there are times when i become quiet. i move slower. and i am aware of every little movement, every breath, every blink of an eye. but my thoughts become louder.
its in the early hours that this happens. when reality surfaces. when i evaluate.
sometimes i become sad. sometimes i dont know whats wrong as tears drip down the side of my face. i just want to talk to someone. well, actually i just want someone to hold me. next best is someone to talk to. but sometimes i dont have that either. i dont think i have a 'best friend.' i dont know who i can ramble to, or to tell that im upset and cant sleep. pressure builds up inside, trying so hard to escape. it can not find an exit, an opening. i keep searching, coming close, and failing. sometimes i fear of never finding someone that fits the parts. im scared there is only one. that cant be the truth. i lay here motionless. letting my brain do the movement.
i am numb.
that isnt a figure of speech.
thoughts from above.
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